I’ve been patient for too long

I’ve never been good with patience. I want things to happen fast, instantly when I want them to. Should one have patience? Which one is better, to have patience or impatience? Until recently, I would’ve thought that being impatient, not waiting for things to happen but rather me making them happen, would be the better option. However, I have experienced great frustrations and sorrows, for things at this point of my life don’t necessarily happen as I want to. Countless times I have experienced situations when things did not happen when and how I wanted to but at a later, a more suitable time. I am now certain that destiny is imprinting its omniscient hand against me. There has always been a degree of control of my being from an outside power that I cannot describe and I am afraid to. I am young and stupid and reckless. I am ashamed of myself. I don’t know how to manage situations where I have to wait. Waiting is killing me. I want control. I want to be in control of everything that happens to me, to people around me. I want to control people. That might be an absurd way to put things. People are wild animals. How can I control a wild animal. Am I to tame man? That is pretentious. How can I reconcile two edges that crush to give birth to literal apocalypse? I have so many questions

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